Understanding Grief

Grief is a natural response to the loss of someone special in our lives. Grief is not understood well in our society and people try to avoid, deny, postpone or ignore it. However, when someone close to us dies there will be adjustments which have to be made, which will bring with them a mixture of emotions such as frustration, anger, fear, sadness, depression, shock, disbelief, denial, relief and uncertainty. Your routine will change, your moods will change and you will change. All of this is called grief.

You may experience temporary upsurges in grief when there is an anniversary of the death such as the date of death or funeral, or when memories are triggered for exmaple, by a piece of music. It is important to recognise that grief is a normal experience and that the process of grieving does requrie experiencing the pain of the loss. Grief is a process and not an event. Most people will conitnue to grieve in subtle ways for the rest of their lives. Everyone deals with grief in their own way. Factors such as your personality, the relationshp you had with the deceased, the circumstances of their death and the support that you have around you will all affect the way you deal with grief.

Grief in Children

Grief also exists in children. Children may deal with grief differently however wanting to be left alone or being curious and full of questions may be more common for some children than sadness. Later, as the loss sinks in, children show their grief by changed behaviour like angry outbursts or a lack on interest in their usual activities or school. Often hugs and some quiet time together will satisfy a child who is feeling frightened or unsure about the changes happening in the family.

Remember these Basic Rules

• Crying is good for you
• Bereavement is like suffering a servere illness
• Find a friend
• Remember the good times

Professional Help

It is important not to try to 'speed up' the grief process. Coming to terms with a significant bereavement can take months and years rather than days or weeks. Most people simply require the loving supportive presence of others, permission to talk about the deceased, and the encouragement to use their own coping strategies in order to deal with their bereavement.

Where to get help?

• Your doctor
• Your councellor
• Bereavement CARE Centre 
• Kids Help Line
• The Compassionate Friends NSW
• National Association for Loss and Grief
• Centrelink publication "Needing help after someone has died"